


Captain Butler

by DaNiCkStEr666



Category: Captain Butler, Red Dwarf
Genre: Crossover Pairings, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 09:53:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaNiCkStEr666/pseuds/DaNiCkStEr666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A crossover AU set after Legion</p>
<p>The crew find a water planet, and because of a mistaken identity, Rimmer is unknowingly kidnapped by Captain Butler</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Butler

The ship bobbed gently on the oceans tide, as four of the five man crew sat around a barrel, playing cards. The gentle breeze carried the sound of crashing waves but nothing more. 

The captain took a deep intake of breath, as he climbed down the stairs, eyeing his men. “This is the life,” he announced, surprised by the dark looks he received. 

“Captain,” Roger began, his soft timid voice perfectly reflecting his character. “May I have a word?” The captain nodded, and walked to the side, slipping an arm over the petite man’s shoulders. 

“What troubles you, man?” the captain asked, leaning forward. 

“It’s just,” Roger stopped and wrung his hands, trying to hide from the captain’s dark eyes. “Well,” he fiddled with his curled blond hair, nervously, as a blush stained his pale cheeks. “We have all found this planet to be rather tedious.” 

“Tedious?” the captain barked back.

“Oh, I just knew you’d be angry. It’s not you, Captain, we adore you, but how can we be pirates when there is no one else here?” 

“How can we be pirates?” Butler repeated, and then turned around, addressing the rest of the crew. “It’s in our blood, we don’t need anyone to tell us we’re scum, we know!”

“Ah yes, but what about the raping and the pillaging?” Bosun, the eldest member of the crew, made of more wood than an IKEA showroom, asked. His cropped grey hair peaked out from beneath the long black wig, which rested awkwardly against his scarred, sunburnt face. 

“There’s always Roger,” Cliff offered with a shrug.

“It’s not right,” Bosun continued. “Just us and fish, and we know what the Captain’s like with fish.” He gave the captain the evil eye, and then eyed the barrel before him.

“Leave Tracy out of this, yeah? If you’re so frustrated why don’t you go and toss one, I’m sure Adeel can help.” Butler snapped, looking out to sea.

“What?” Adeel squeaked, reshuffling the cards. 

“Here we rule the ocean, meaner than Blackbeard, better than Nelson. We are so evil we have the planet to ourselves. That, my friends, is a fine legacy.” Butler finished with a sigh, leaning on the deck. 

The passive-aggressive crew remained silent, nodding solemnly to one another. Roger walked over to the captain, patting him on the shoulder and resting against him. “It is a fine legacy, Captain,” he whispered, planting a kiss on the captain’s cheek and joined him looking out onto the peaceful ocean. 

 

Two bodies lay fully clothed, entangled on a single bunk. Rimmer was nestled snugly between Lister’s legs as they shared a lazy kiss, enjoying the novelty of being able to touch. Rimmer curled one of Lister’s dreadlocks around his finger and then broke the kiss to rest his head on Lister’s chest, contented. Lister wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and snuggled against his bunk. 

“Mister Lister, Sir?” Kryten’s voice echoed through the door. Rimmer raised himself up, startled and scrambled out of the bunk, his knee driving into Lister’s crotch.

“Sorry,” he whispered, tumbling onto the floor and quickly crawled to the table. Lister pulled the sheet over his waist with one hand as he curled up in pain. 

The door opened and Kryten walked in none-the-wiser. “Mister Lister, Sir?”

“What is it, Krytes?” Lister groaned, hoping Kryten would mistake his agony for annoyance.

“Change over already?” Rimmer asked, sat at the table, reading a book. 

“No Sirs, the scanners have located an ocean planet, not unlike Sol three.”

“Sol three?” Lister asked, dropping his feet to the floor.

“Earth, sir. Eighty Three per cent of the planet is made up of water, more so than earth. With your permission, Sirs, I suggest we visit the water planet, test the water and fill the tanks. Our recycled water is simply ghastly; I think it is a mission worth taking.”

Rimmer nodded. “Anything is better than drinking tea strained piss, I’m in.”

“Yeah, me too. How long will it take to get there?”

“No more than three hours, Sir.”

“Excellent,” Lister chirped, standing from his bunk. “Plan a landing course; we’ll be with you in an hour.”

“Two!” Rimmer called then cleared his throat. 

“We’ll be with you in two hours,” Lister corrected and slapped the mechanoid on the back. He watched Kryten leave and then slinked over to the table, leaning down in front of Rimmer. “So what did you have planned that would take two hours?” He asked, lecherously with a wink. 

The door opened again, causing Lister to quickly stand upright. The cat danced in wearing a full length PVC bodysuit and ankle length leather boots. He looked like he’d escaped from a BDSM advertisement, but Lister declined to make the comparison, verbal. 

“You two monkeys man the controls, I have an emergency.”

“What is it, Cat?” 

“We’re off to an ocean planet and I don’t have anything to wear!” Cat shrieked and danced out of the room. 

Lister looked at Rimmer and shrugged helplessly. Rimmer stood, placing the book facedown and took Lister’s hand in his, as they left the sleeping quarters. They released hands when they entered the midsection and then silently took their seats.

“Sirs, I thought you were going to be detained for two hours.”

“So did I,” Rimmer complained.

“The Cat had an emergency; we can take it from here if you’ve got something better to do.” Lister offered, kindly. 

“Oh thank you, Mister Lister; there is a pile of linen with my name on it.” Kryten cheered and left the controls, making his way to the laundry room. “You know,” Lister began, after a while, turning side to side on his chair. “You could navigate your way onto my lap.” He grinned as he heard Rimmer shift in his seat behind him. 

“I’d rather stick a cucumber up my bottom and run around naked, doing a rain dance in front of a group of horny greased up rednecks than sit on your lap, Listy.” Rimmer replied, haughtily. 

“Ok, ok, a simple no would have sufficed.” Lister laughed then leaned back in his chair. “Do you have a cucumber?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Rimmer snapped, playfully, the laughter obvious in his voice.

“I would actually,” Lister grinned. The banter continued for the three hour journey, with Cat and Kryten joining in the playful teasing. Red Dwarf was lost to them, yet morale was strangely high. 

“Hang on to your seats, guys, this is gonna be a rocky landing.” Rimmer groaned at the awful pun, as they began to descend on the flat rock.

“I thought you said there was land,” Rimmer reminded, as they watched the scouter glide across a vast ocean and returned to the wall of rock that proudly jutted out of the ocean. 

“There is Sir, some distance away. We best hurry, before the tide washes us away.”

“How long we got?”

“By my calculations, Sir, six hours and not a minute to lose.” 

“Let’s get to it then, lads,” Lister clapped his hands and then stood, leading by example. He walked into the midsection and did a double take of the table. “Hang on a minute, whose fishing rod is that?” Three heads turned towards Cat, causing the sneaky feline to smile.

“I’m going fishing.”

“You’re supposed to be helping with the water.” Lister complained, pulling his waterproof overalls on.

“I am not your bitch,” Cat argued, plucking his fishing gear from the table and stormed outside. Lister sighed annoyed, but shook his head and followed the Cat outside. Kryten followed next, carrying an empty jar, while Rimmer was the last to leave. 

The strong sea salt stung his nostrils as he stepped outside. The Cat had already made himself comfortable some distance away, while Kryten attached an old jam jar to a stick to collect water. Rimmer walked around to the other side of Starbug and found Lister looking over the water tank. 

“Sea salt,” he announced, walking over to Lister with his hands behind his back.

“Yeah, should be good, man,” Lister enthused, stepping closer.

“Do you mind if I go for a walk?” 

“I’ve got to stay here to fill the tanks; it’s a two person job, though. Do what you gotta do, but be careful, yeah?” Lister leaned forward, kissing Rimmer’s cheek and then cleared his throat. “Smeghead.”

“Git,” Rimmer replied, without hesitation, knowing that Kryten was stood behind him. Choosing to walk in the opposite direction to the Cat, Rimmer barged past Kryten and made his way across the rocks. 

“I’ve got the sample sir, now all that is left to scan, won’t be a moment.” Lister smiled at the mechanoid and nodded. He watched Rimmer disappear into the distance, and then followed Kryten inside. 

Rimmer walked in a daze across the rocks, feeling the breeze against his skin, like a lover’s caress. He wished he could share this moment with Lister, but he wouldn’t understand. He wasn’t sure he understood it all himself. For years he was nothing more than an opinionated ghost, intangible, living a half life. Then suddenly he was hard-light, he could feel, physically and emotionally. His arguments suddenly held weight and were debated rather than ignored. He was someone, finally, and he no longer had to be alone. He had only sought friendship from Lister three nights after being hard-light. His awkward words and nervous disposition had been misconstrued, as Lister pressed him against the wall and kissed him. 

Reminiscing about that fateful night, Rimmer passed a figure sat on the rocks and then stopped. Turning around, he eyed the red bandana and the white striped shirt with distaste. The three quarter length tight white trousers were amusing, even the fake cutlass, sheathed and attached to a red sash lying on the rock beside the man was comical. 

“I’ll give you points for trying, Listy.” Rimmer chuckled, startling the other man. “How did you catch up with me?” Rimmer looked back in the direction he had come, realising Lister could have easily ran along the lower outer rocks and over taken him, adopted a disguise and lied in wait. 

Captain Butler jumped up startled, staring at the other man with an H gleaming on his forehead. The man was lost in his own thoughts, allowing Butler to retrieve his cutlass and hold it out before him, threateningly. 

“Stand back,” Butler growled, trying for menacing but only accomplishing madness. He shrugged, madness could work too. 

“Do we really have time for this?” Rimmer complained, placing his hands on his hips. Butler licked his lips, eyeing the man before him. He imagined the H would be worth a fortune. To show wealth so gamely he must be worth a fortune himself. The man’s prominent nose suggested royalty, his soft alabaster skin spoke of years spent indoors. He would bet his cutlass, that the man’s hands were soft, never knowing the feel of rope burns and splinters from the decks. A pampered pretty boy if ever he saw one. 

“There’s always time for pillage and plundering.”

“I know what you intend to plunder, Listy.” Rimmer replied smartly, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Shouldn’t you be helping Kryten with the water?” 

“Listy? I am Captain Butler, the satanic seadog, the scourge of the seven seas, ruler of the ocean.” Butler straighten his back, growing taller as he exaggerated his accomplishments. 

“A pirate,” Rimmer dished out, unhelpfully. 

“Yes, I’m a pirate,” Butler snapped, his ego deflated. “And you,” he began, gathering his shattered bravado. “You are my prisoner, what is your name?” Rimmer shook his head, knowing he couldn’t win when Lister was in a playful mood.

“They call me Ace.”

“Ace,” Butler whispered as if tasting the name on his tongue. “What are you, Ace?”

“I am a prince from a far off planet, I was due to be given to my significant other, but my ship crashed. I am an unarmed, vulnerable virgin.” Butler approached and grabbed Rimmer’s arm, pulling the alleged virgin against his chest. 

“Your virtue means nothing to me,” Butler hissed, slapping Rimmer’s posterior. He wouldn’t rape him, what kind of man would that make him? However getting him drunk and having his wicked way with him was perfectly acceptable. 

“My fiancé will be looking for me,” Rimmer protested, beating pathetically against the captain’s chest. He had thought Lister’s bedroom games were moronic but he slowly realised they had a certain appeal. 

“Then he will find a whore,” Rimmer shivered, Lister was far too good at this.

“I…” Rimmer began, but was silenced as Butler kissed him. Rimmer tried to further protest, allowing Butler to slip his tongue into his mouth and attempt to devour him. Rimmer moaned into the kiss, moving his arms around Butler’s waist. He was surprised by the difference in technique. Lister had always been a passionate kisser but he was reserved, almost timid. His kisses were individual promises; he used his tongue to coax a response. This aggressive assertiveness was a shock to the system. The kiss didn’t coax a response, it demanded one. The usual passion was coupled with desperation, as if the man had been starved of affection. 

Captain Butler pressed himself closer to his captive, enjoying the feel of the padded blue jacket against his torso. He felt almost guilty forcing his lips against the prince’s, not that the prince seemed to mind, he was moaning into his mouth like a cheap whore. He couldn’t believe his luck, finding a wealthy virginal prince that seemed ready, willing and able. He had heard not all treasure was gold or some such bollocks, he hadn’t been listening; too busy trying to attract the barmaid with the big bosoms and loose morals. 

His mind had a habit of wandering, he knew as much, but was still surprised when Ace screamed into his mouth as his cutlass cut the prince’s leg. He released the man immediately, looking at the damage. The tight black trousers were slashed down his left calf revealing pale hairless legs and a wound that was weeping blood.

“Oh bollocks, I am so sorry,” Butler fretted, getting onto his knees. Rimmer had a few choice words for the bumbling pirate, but once he saw the panic in the other man’s eyes he just chuckled. 

The captain leaned forward and lapped at the fresh wound, surprised to taste nothing. Wealthy folk and their genetic engineering, took all the fun out of everything. Ace seemed to be enjoying his attention, moaning encouragingly. Butler couldn’t resist kissing his way up Ace’s leg, kissing up his inner thigh. He vaguely wondered if the man’s cum would be as tasteless as his blood, as he began kissing his way down.

“You are a tease,” Rimmer stated, breathlessly. He’d never had a high sex drive but the way Lister was toying with his body would make a nun betray her God. 

“Come back to my ship?” Butler asked, rather than demanded. He knew Lister couldn’t maintain the façade for any great length of time. 

“Your ship?” Rimmer questioned. He had hoped they were going to make love on the rocks, with the sea breeze against their naked flesh and the waves splashing against their feet. There was hardly any privacy on Starbug and then there was a cramped bunk. He’d wanted to explore Lister’s body, perhaps it had been a blessing in disguise, given the man’s dubious personal hygiene. 

“Yes, my ship, it’s over there,” Butler stood and pointed in the opposite direction to Starbug. Rimmer smiled, the pirate was trying to trick him and was going to ravage him on the rocks like he wanted.

“Do you wish to tie me?” Rimmer asked, trying for a direct hint, only Lister looked aghast.

“Tie you? But what if you fell; I’m not a strong swimmer. I’ll just hold your hand and we can keep our balance on the slippery rocks, yeah?” Rimmer shook his head with a smile, Lister was such a hopeless romantic, it was one of the reasons he loved the fool so much. 

Butler held out his hand, and Rimmer took it, allowing the captain to lead him away from Starbug to the other side of the rocks. The wound had healed along with the torn fabric but Rimmer could still feel the acute pain in his leg. He decided not to mention it, though; Lister had looked so depressed he might have jumped from the rocks in shame. 

“Here we are!” Butler announced, proudly, waving his arm in the direction of his ship. 

Rimmer looked up from his self-pitying inspection of his leg and froze. “That’s a ship,” he pointed out bluntly. 

Butler eyed him suspiciously out of the corner of his eye; at least the man was good looking. Beggars couldn’t be choosers after all. “My ship,” he corrected, placing his arm around Rimmer’s waist. 

“How is that possible?” 

“I have quite the fearsome reputation I’ll have you know,” Butler argued, affronted. “Men of state tried to have me executed. You think Black Beard was bad? He’s nothing compared to me. He’s just a pussy cat, no; he’s the mouse in the pussy cat’s mouth compared to me. I’m dead brave and noble and I lead a gang of cut throat bandits that would gouge your eyes out if you so much as look at them. I’m mean; I’m undeniably dashing and charming.”

“You’re conceited,” Rimmer snapped, ending the captain’s tirade. Butler wished he would stop doing that. “Is it an AR projection?” Rimmer asked as they approached the gangplank. 

“It’s my ship,” Butler shrugged, wondering if he introduced himself as captain, he was sure he had. 

“Snap!” Roger’s soft voice rang out clearly from the decks. 

Butler smirked and pushed Rimmer onto the gangplank. “Get moving you poncey git!” he shouted, keeping an eye out for his men. 

“What’s gotten into you, halibut breath?” Butler pushed him again and withdrew his cutlass.

“Please just play along,” he hissed through his teeth. “Get through there you son of a whore!” 

“My mother was no whore!” Rimmer argued. “She was prim and proper, a lady, not that I suppose you know what one of those are!” Rimmer vented, why did Lister have to be, well, Lister? Always one for the jokes, hurtful little cretin, and worst of all the hamster-cheeked freak didn’t realise he was doing it.

Butler pushed him along the gangplank and onto the deck. He considered knocking Ace to his knees before his men, but after the mother jibe he was already in trouble and decided it would not aid his mission to get laid. 

“Captain?” Cliff asked, standing up, his deep tone of voice, inquisitive. Butler smirked and walked with a swagger showing off his prize. 

“Where have yer been, captain?” Bosun asked, eyeing Ace in a rather disconcerting manner.

“Oh you know, what pirates do best, pillage, rape and plunder.” He announced, performing for his friends that salivated at the very thought of piracy. 

“Are those characters from an AR game?” Rimmer asked, but received no response. 

“Sir,” Roger spoke up, timidly, keeping his eyes down cast. “You don’t mean you’ve…” he couldn’t find the words; instead he waved his arm about, hoping the captain would fill in the blank. 

“Conducted an orchestra? No, Roger, I haven’t.” 

“I think what the little lad is asking is have you plundered the booty already?” Butler laughed at Bosun’s direct question and walked over to Ace, grabbing him around the waist. 

“I have actually, twice, I’ve had him on his stomach and then on his back.” Bosun cheered, Cliff looked indifferent while Roger was gripped by despair. 

“I see he has treasure in his forehead,” Bosun pointed out, and then pulled out his knife. “It would be my pleasure to retrieve it for you.” 

“I don’t think so, miladdo.” Rimmer protested and pushed Lister away from him. “Why are we interacting with these AR sprites?” He asked, haughtily, eyeing the crew with distaste. 

He walked over to Bosun, with his hands clasped behind his back and glared down at the elderly pirate. “You, Pinocchio, had better watch your venomous tongue before I cut it from your ghastly mouth and beat you with it.” He warned, and then smiled curtly, walking over to Cliff. 

The man stood at six foot two, his hard dark skin unblemished by tattoos. He was muscular, with broad shoulders, long legs and deep brooding eyes that pierced the soul. Rimmer approached, tilting his head back to eye the man before him. “You,” he began, unsure. “I just don’t like you.” Cliff inclined his head, his face a mask of confusion. He turned his gaze to the nervous captain, who simply shrugged in response, and then looked saddened as Rimmer walked away. 

Rimmer was enjoying himself immensely, Lister hadn’t needed the crew, but Rimmer always enjoyed a verbal sparring before sex, especially when he won.

“Captain, the dinner is ready,” Adeel gushed, running up from the lower decks. His smile faded as he looked upon the melancholic crew. 

“Typical, Listy,” Rimmer tutted, shaking his head. “Trust the cook to be Indian.” Adeel remained still, as the voice came from behind him. He heard the sound of movement before the pale skinned menace was before him. He tried to look at the man closer but the light reflected on the gem on the man’s forehead blinded him. “Pathetic,” the newcomer snapped to his face, then sauntered away. 

The blond was next, Rimmer noted with glee. He could see the cowardly toff-come-pirate cowering away. He stood before the youngest member of the crew and gave him a slap. “I’ve seen the way you look at him,” Rimmer snapped, pointing in the captain’s direction. Trust Lister to invent an AR character that was hopelessly in love with him. He would have to ask how he made the characters tangible. 

“He’s my boyfriend, you little git. Get it through your thick skull, you dense gimboid. Don’t you dare look at my boyfriend in that way again.” Rimmer threatened, surprised by how freeing it was to acknowledge Lister’s place in his life. 

Butler could only watch on in confusion. He believed his crew did deserve the tongue lashing for questioning his decision to come to this ocean planet. He was stunned how soon Ace had accepted him as his boyfriend. He was chuffed, a prince falling for him, his luck was in. The display of jealousy was a turn-on and as much as he would love to watch the two wrestle over him, definitely over him, he had to intervene and pull Ace back with his arms around his waist. 

“Don’t worry guys, I’ll take this feisty tart to my quarters and put him in his place.” Much to his surprise, Ace allowed himself to be led away with the captain’s arms around his waist, with the Captain at his back.

“But Captain!” Adeel protested, and heard the cabin door slam shut. “What about dinner?” He finished, lamely and hung his head, walking back to the kitchen. 

Butler released his captive once they were safely inside his quarters and moved over to the drinks cabinet. Usually he drank straight from the bottle, but he decided to show some class and picked up two dusty glasses. He dusted them off with his shirt, keeping his back to the prince, and then poured some rum into the glasses. 

“I thought you could use a drink,” he announced, turning around with both glasses in his hands. To his surprise the prince was laying on his bed, stretched out on his back. Rimmer smiled at the dumbfounded expression on Lister’s face, he wasn’t the only one that could be shameless. 

“The time for talking is over,” Rimmer replied and with a single thought his clothes vanished. Butler quickly drained one glass and wiped his mouth on the back of his arm.

“That’s a neat trick,” he spoke quickly, draining the second glass and throwing them both onto the floor without a care. Rimmer crooked a finger, signalling the pirate to come over and board him. Butler staggered forward, unsure of how close the prince wanted him. 

Rimmer rolled his eyes at Lister’s hesitancy and signalled him over again. Butler removed his cutlass and sash and walked to the foot of the bed. He looked at the pale long endless legs and firm milky thighs, up to the long slender member jutting up proudly from a nest of dark curls. He licked his lips unconsciously and smiled when he was beckoned closer. 

Butler climbed onto the bed, positioning his knees both sides of Rimmer’s body and crawled forward, as his partner insisted. Rimmer grinned as Lister loomed over him without touching his body. He raised his arms, draping one across the man’s shoulders while he encouraged his partner to lean down with his hand on the back of his head. A moment of confusion came over him as he pulled Lister down, but before he could analyse the problem, his lips were caught in a searing kiss.

Rimmer moaned into Butler’s mouth, deepening the kiss as he rubbed his body feverishly against his captor. He could feel Lister’s desperation in his kiss though his actions remained gentlemanly. Rimmer reached down and patted the man’s pockets, surprised to find no lubricant concealed there. Lister was hardly a boy scout but when it came to sex he liked to plan ahead and this AR simulated game was his idea. 

“I think I love you,” Butler whispered, breathless, slipping his hand down Rimmer’s chest to grasp his erection.

“Think?” Rimmer replied, pulling the hem of Butler’s shirt up. Butler quickly sat up and removed his shirt before leaning down again, covering Rimmer’s lips as he moved his hand between their bodies once more. 

Rimmer sighed, as the kiss became lazy and natural. He enjoyed their kisses but time alone was so hard to come by, that he expected more than kisses and a hand job. He wanted to feel Lister inside him again, only without the tenderness. He wanted the roughness the pirate threatened, he wanted to be used and broken and then held and put back together again. 

It was frustration that made him grasp the captain’s shoulders and entwine their legs, as he reversed their positions. Butler stared up at him in daze, his gaze becoming transfixed as Rimmer sucked two fingers into his mouth and wetted them thoroughly. 

“Wha…” Butler was unable to finish his question as he watched the prince release the two fingers and move his hand behind himself. It was a surreal experience watching a virginal prince prepare himself for him. The way the prince’s back arched at the initial penetration was mind numbingly erotic. 

Butler quickly wrestled with his trousers, managing to push them to his knees. He smirked as Ace eyed his penis appreciatively. He was going to make a quip about the size until Ace leaned down and took his cock into his mouth. 

Butler bowed up from the bed, his startled actions causing Rimmer to choke. Rimmer pinned the pirate’s hips to the mattress and sucked the member as best he could, wetting it thoroughly. He looked at Lister as he pulled back, surprised by how attractive he looked panting and moaning into his pillow. His acting may have been shoddy, but the man was beautiful and his boyfriend. 

Butler opened his eyes surprised to see Ace staring at him. Staring wasn’t the right word, marvelling was more apt. He stroked the prince’s thighs and smiled as the prince shook his head from his reverie. 

“Are you okay? If this is too much for you, just say.” Butler’s suggestion forced Rimmer into action. Grasping Lister’s shaft, he positioned himself over the head of the cock and slowly moved down.

Butler’s eyes were wide as he watched the prince penetrate himself. The tight heat encasing his cock was divine though he feared the prince may be in pain. He certainly didn’t expect the prince to take him all in and then squirm on his lap like an insatiable whore.

“Are you sure you are a virgin?” Butler gasped, and was met with Ace’s breathless laughter.

“As surely as you are a pirate.” Butler rubbed Ace’s thighs as the man remained still. 

Rimmer had never taken charge in the bedroom before; it was both thrilling and frightening. He moved steadily on Lister’s lap, slowly lifting himself and allowing gravity to take over. He moved one of Lister’s hands to his neglected cock and brought the other to his lips. 

Butler tried to caress his cheek as he closed his hand over Ace’s shaft and began to stroke his cock. Rimmer moaned in approval and sucked two of Lister’s fingers into his mouth as he rose higher with each bounce. Rimmer enjoyed the power he felt driving Lister crazy beneath him, he hoped his message was coming loud and clear to him. 

Butler knew when he was being toyed with and he didn’t like it. Rightfully he should have been the aggressor in the bedroom and he was far too superstitious to break the unwritten law. Waiting for the perfect moment, Butler grasped his partner’s hips, using all his strength to move his partner off him and quickly scrabbled onto his side.

“What the smeg?” Rimmer argued before he was pressed face down on the mattress, his bare posterior in the air. Butler kept him rooted as he leaned over behind the prince, pressing his way back inside the heat and laying an arm over Ace’s shoulders. 

“Whore,” Butler muttered, but felt his captive shiver in response. “Tart,” he tried again, receiving the same response. “Slut,” he hissed, moving his hand between his partner’s legs and grasping his cock. Rimmer whimpered and pushed himself back, meeting the pirate’s thrusts. Lister had an almost animalistic savagery to his thrusts, though Rimmer had no intention to tame the beast. He wanted nothing more to encourage him but the intensity of their coupling was too much and he cried out into the pillow as he reached his orgasm. 

Butler felt the lithe body tremble and gave in to his own body’s demands, spilling his seed inside the prince. He removed his arm from the man’s shoulder and sat up, slowly withdrawing his softening cock, before dropping deadweight beside his lover. 

“That was…” Rimmer panted, trying to find the words. “That was…” he tried again, causing Butler to laugh and wipe the sweat from his brow.

“It was,” he agreed, kicking his trousers down his legs and onto the floor before covering the both of them with a blanket. They lay panting and laughing together before Butler placed his hand on Rimmer’s flaccid penis. “I want to taste you,” he whispered, wickedly and began kissing down Rimmer’s torso, disappearing under the blanket.

“Lister,” Rimmer moaned his name.

“Yeah?” Lister snapped, his voice sounding peeved. Rimmer opened his eyes and found himself looking at Lister, wearing the brown jumpsuit and leather jacket he was wearing on the ‘Bug. 

Rimmer shook the shoulder of the man under the covers, and waited for him to appear, confusion written on his face. Rimmer stared at him, without the earrings, they were twins. Butler looked at him strangely, and then looked in the direction his partner was looking. 

Butler lunged for his cutlass and stepped out of the bed cautiously. He didn’t care that the intruder was wearing his face; he would not go down without a fight. His natural response was to tuck-tail and run but he had responsibilities now and he wasn’t going to lose face in front of his lover.

“I suggest you get off my boat before I run you through.” Butler spoke, waving his cutlass threateningly. 

Lister smirked and patted the bazookoid in his hands, before loading the chamber. “I ought to kill you for sleeping with him,” Lister hissed, tempted to punch the git in the face. 

Butler looked at the prince. “Is that your fiancé?” Rimmer gave a nod in confirmation. “I don’t care who you are, this is my boat and that is my wench, now kindly piss off.” 

“Your crew have been captured,” Lister answered back, enjoying the panic in his doppelgangers’ eyes. “And I am taking him with me.”

“Over my dead body!” Butler snapped. “He’s my boyfriend, I’ve slept with him, he’s ruined now.” 

“Ruined?” Lister questioned, noticing the blush staining Rimmer’s cheeks. “He told you he was a virgin?” Lister doubled over in laughter.

“I thought he was you!” Rimmer protested, pulling the blanket tightly around himself. 

“Regardless,” Butler spoke aloud, affronted. “He is my lover,” he decreed then fell into silence as Lister pressed the bazookoid against his chest. 

“Forget about him okay? What about that hot blond on the deck? Why don’t you give that pretty little thing your attention?” Lister offered, helpfully.

“I knew you would fancy that blond strumpet!” Rimmer hissed, but was ignored. 

“He likes you, man, believe me.” Lister slapped his doppelganger on the arm and watched him walk to the door. Butler quickly untied his bandana, revealing a shaven head, and hid his genitals as he left the room. 

Silence passed between them; before Rimmer got too uncomfortable he had to ask. “How did you find me?” Lister placed the bazookoid down and perched himself on the end of the bed. 

“Long range scanner picked up signs of life. We sent the scouter and found the ship with five human life forms and one hologram. I thought something had happened to you.” Rimmer shifted closer to Lister and pressed his hand to his cheek.

“I thought he was you,” he protested.

“He didn’t even have me locks, man.” Lister argued, pulling away from Rimmer’s touch. 

“I’m sorry,” Rimmer pleaded, standing from the bed wrapping the blanket around him. Lister shook his head and walked over to the door, sticking his head out.

“Kryten, Rimmer is in a bad way, this may take awhile.” Hearing an affirmative, Lister slammed and bolted the door, then turned slowly towards Rimmer. 

“So,” Rimmer dragged the word out, unnerved by Lister’s expression. “Was the water any good?” Lister came at him, ripping the blanket from him and forcing him against the wall. His lips were seized in a bruising kiss, as Lister pressed himself against him.

“If you wanted it rough,” Lister panted, biting Rimmer’s lower lip. “Then you should have just said,” Lister finished, pulling Rimmer over to the bed with him.


End file.
